Selfish

I want more than anything, to be accepted.  It is what I crave.  What kind of culture do we live in, when we tell our kids that they can do what ever they put there mind to, and then frown on it when it doesn't fit into our precious rules of society?  I have my limits. 

What do we do, when we tell our kids that the can be anything they want to be when the grow up... and then tell them that the job they've chosen doesn't pay well enough to support anyone.  Who. Cares.  If they want to be a garbage man when they grow up, and they are genuinely passionate about that, then by all means, let them.  What if you tell your counselor that, "Hey!  I want to be a ballerina.  I think I can."  And then, right after telling you that you can pick any job you want, they tell you that it is a bad idea.  You can't make a living of that!  You foolish child!

I don't want to be a ballerina, by the way.  It's an example. 

And what do we do, when we are told to be ourselves, and our peers don't like that self?  We are taught to 'Be Yourself!  Never change for anyone' kinda of thing.  But its almost hypocritical.  I believe that yes, we should be ourselves.  But those who say that, don't necessarily mean that.  What they mean is, 'We want you to be yourself, but only if it is normal and acceptable'.
 

So what if I liked to eat pickles with my toes, and save every compliment someone has given me on paper?  What if I never got anything higher than a D in my whole report card?  What if I sang at the top of my lungs when I was happy, and what if I decided to move to Oklahoma and be a farmer?  What if, I decided not to ever go on a date or ever go to a dance?  What if I didn't want to go to college or even high school?  What if my TRUE self, was all of the whackiest and most unacceptable things you could ever think of?  Would you still accept me for my true self?


I'm not that person, of course.  I like to eat pickles till they're all gone.  I like to write stories, that I have to hide from my own family because the one time I left it out, I was made fun of by my sister.  If I get a bad grade, I feel so gross and stupid that I stress out until I can't think about anything else.  I want to sing at the top of my lungs when I'm happy, and frankly, dances don't do much for me.  I have no problem living somewhere flat and boring, because I like it.  I am sick of these mountains caging me in.

As soon as my mom reads this, she will tell me I am being dramatic.  I am being dramatic.  To make a point.  I am honestly and completely fine.  I'm just sick of people telling me that the one and only thing I have ever wanted to be when I grow up, isn't smart and that I can't make any decent living off of it.  I hardly tell anyone anymore.  I'm sick of being embarrassed when I say, I want to be a _________ Who cares?

I do.

Growing up is such a barbarous business, full of inconvenience... and pimples.

-J.M. Barrie